If you ask Google for the definition of wheelie, Google’s definition reads “a trick or maneuver whereby a bicycle or motorcycle is ridden for a short distance with the front wheel(s) raised off the ground”. Seems like a pretty easy concept to grasp right? That’s what I thought before ” Hang’er twelve” or “looped it”, got introduced. Some insider knowledge, Hang’er twelve means that while you are doing a wheelie the four wheeler is straight up, at 12’o clock, and looped it is when you fall off while doing a wheelie or roll your four wheeler.
Meet the God
I first met the Wheelie God, a self given name BTW, at a friends house this summer. The Wheelie God was wearing a large straw hat and a Hawaiian shirt the first time I met him. My immediate first thought was “Holy Sh**, Faith has a twin?”, only to later find out they were just siblings. The Wheelie God, more commonly known as Andrew, is one of the funniest and care free people I know.
The First Loop
When I think of the first loop I used to imagine Mario Cart racing like the Wii game, now I think of Andrew and laugh. One of the first stories that Andrew ever told me was about the time he looped a four wheeler and scrapped his ass. Early this spring, Andrew and Issac were riding double on Issac’s four wheeler. The two had been doing wheelies all day on a road outside of Almena. On this last wheelie, Issac had been driving and Andrew was in the back. Issac was in the middle of doing a wheelie when he lost control of the four wheeler and it almost went into the ditch. Before both the four wheeler and the boys went into the ditch, Andrew bailed. The road they were on was all blacktop. So try to imagine falling off and scraping your ass on blacktop going 75 miles per hour. Trust me from the cuts I’ve seen, it hurts really bad. Andrew continued his story by telling me about the aftermath of the incident. First of all a couple of his friends had to wash out his cuts on his butt with a garden hose to get all the pebbles and gravel out. Next He had to sleep on his stomach for a month and couldn’t even sit on the toilet. It wasn’t quite summer yet so when it came to school it hurt to much to sit so he had to stand in the back of the classroom all day. Andrew is finally able to laugh with the rest of us about this, but didn’t learn his lesson.
Two Scraped Elbows
During the summer my favorite activity is mowing lawn. I find the various patterns very satisfying and it’s an easy way to get a good jam session in. I even called Jennie-O once and asked if they had a job where I could just mow lawn and they told me they don’t appreciate prank calls and hung up. Since that didn’t work out I was stuck mowing my own lawn. In mid July I was outside in the middle of mowing when I got a phone call from Michael panicking because Andrew had just looped his four wheeler and cut up his arms, knee, and side. The last time Andrew had looped it, his dad was very angry so Andrew was set on the idea that this had to be kept a secret. I told him that he was an idiot for it, but somehow he managed to keep it a secret. Between John, Michael, and Mia they were able to cover the wounds as good as three sixteen years could.
The next night I saw Andrew at a tractor pull and in the middle of July he was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans just to cover his arms and legs. Since they had bandaged up his arms the previous day he had not changed his bandages or even cleaned the cut out. So being the Einsteins we are Andrew and I along with my friends Dylan and Camryn we to my car and decided we were going to clean his cuts out with the first aid kit in my car. This seems like a great idea at the time, until Andrew had to rip the bandages off. Since he had slept in them they had literally molded to his arms, so when Dylan ripped them off Andrew proceeded to yelp like a dog who just got his tail stepped on. After the band aids were off we found out that in a case of an emergency that the first aid kit would be useless because the three finger band aids and rusty scissors which probably wasn’t gonna cut it. See what I did there ;). So doing what any hicks would do, we jumped in my friends Saturn and drove to the gas station to look for some Neosporin because that stuff fixes everything. BTW Andrew has been shirtless since we ripped the band aids off because it hurt too much to have his sweatshirt on the wounds. We finally found Neosporin for $7 and proceeded to the checkout. By the time we got there I had ran into my cousin who is going to college for nursing. After seeing Andrew’s arms she offered to clean them out to avoid further infection. The five of us then proceeded to go onto Nicole’s house so Andy could get his woulds cleaned.
To set the scene Nicole, Camryn, and Dylan had never even met Andrew before this day and here we were all sitting in Nicole’s kitchen listening to Andrew bitch out Nicole as she tried cleaning and re-bandaging his arms. The Wheelie God screamed so loud that I was in tears crying of laughter. I still laugh about this day all the time and somehow the Wheelie God even managed to keep it from his dad.
Who Knew What a Few Idiots Could do 